What kind of mother do I have?

Question by : What kind of mother do I have?
I am so embarrassed to tell this story, I have never told anyone this ever, but i have to get this off of my chest. I feel that some of these things will take a lifetime to get over!! Throughout my life, my mother through her manipulation, had let me to believe I am crazy, and I did wrong to deserve what treatment I received from her! All of my life I have been lied to, just to be manipulated into doing what she wanted. It would be more important than my health, pain, wellbeing, mental heath, etc. to make sure i did what she wanted no matter how rediculous. At 21, I have been arrested because I was intoxicated in my own home, and would not listen to her and go to the hospital, I now have a domestic violence charge on my arrest record because of my arrest, even though i committed no violence. She allowed a man she was sleeping with, (while still living at home with my father and brother) to slap my brother without doing anything. I have been beaten and abused by 2 uncles, and a cousin multiple times from ages 12-20, without them receiving any penalty arrest or anything at all. She worked at home, and when i was young and curious, I was told, if I did not stop asking her questions, she would call the police. I have been locked up at 14, because i would wake up late from school, and she manipulated the social worker, who wanted to have sex with her, she has had sex with my friends, she has treated my friends and complete estrangers better than me, and has caused me great embarrassment. She has just basically tried to break my will, my drive, for the purpose of total subservience, total obedience. Not just objective caring honest sincere help in cultivating me as a person and helping me grow as best as possible. I could never confide in her without her sharing my business with anyone. She left me alone with my drunk father at 18 years old, with a house to pay for, which she took the money and spent. She now lives off of my 88 year old grandmother. She pays no rent, and when she needs money, she just has to ask my brother, grandmother, or my father. She has no responsibilities, and gets upset when i try to discuss these things. The thing is, they do not effect her at all. They do directly effect me. She cannot take criticism, and if I say something to her, to try and repair the relationship, she gets upset and makes excuses. I have tried to repair the relationship, trying to get her to move to France and retire at my home, but she still has done nothing to make things right. I have tried to help her, i have given her my elliptical, she has yet to pay me, i have tried to help her eating habits, help her start exercising, helped clean her house, go to the store for her, and tried to discuss all of these issues, and all i get is denial not an objective answer. She has fried my computer’s hard drive, with no attempt to repair, or try to repair my thousands of dollars worth of information. She acts like a child, and you cannot have an adult discussion with her. I am 30 now and she is 57, All she cares is that I do what she wants and it doesn’t matter if she lies, or tells me whatever to get her way. Even still the manipulation does not stop. I cannot talk on the phone in her house without her in my conversation, asking me or the person on the phone questions. I have no privacy at her home when i visit. She is always telling me things to do with my life, but she cannot do them herself. To top it all off, she does care more for her personal agenda than me being in excruciating pain 24/7. I was recently was constipated for a week, and she told me the only solution was to stick my fingers in my anus and remove the feces. This would be traumatizing, and hardly seems like a suggestion someone who cares about you would give. She has bought drugs from my friends. She has done drugs with me as a child. She used to tell me as a high school freshman, “you better get a job and save your money, cause I ain’t paying for college”. i used to beg her, and my father, in tears crying, just to help me go to school, so i could sell this house and stop working this job which i hated that tortured me. I just wanted to go to school and be a productive member of society. The offered no help. How could you “care about someone” and do such horrible things that I wouldn’t even do to a stranger? she treats strangers better than my brother and i, because people would not put up with this type of treatment. There isn’t even enough space here to write down everything, sadly it gets worse. It is now very difficult for me to trust people, trust women, be open with women, and not be jealous or worried i am being cheated on. Am I crazy or is there something wrong with my mother? Am i foolish to interact with her, try to be a good son, make things right, and try to help her out and get better? Should I allow her to meet my future wife? My children? OR should I be worried for their mental health?

Best answer:

Answer by omg123
You have a very bad and emotionally abusive mother. You need to cut ties with her and let her live her miserable life however she wants. I know it is hard, but you cannot control someone else. You can only control yourself. If she is causing you pain and issues within your life, you need to cut ties. I know it is hard, but you have too. Someone who has done the things you say and treated you the way she has, deserves no more of your time and caring. You sound like a good guy with a good head on his shoulders. If this was any other person in your life that treated you like this, what would you do? She doesn’t deserve to meet your kids or your wife. She deserves nothing more from you. Tell her that she causes you pain, she has always treated you second best and you are a grown man with a mind and a life of your own. That when she decides to treat you with love, respect and the way you demand someone in your life to treat you, she can call you. Then let it go at that. see a counselor to deal with your issues so you don’t (unintentionally) do the same to your kids and family. Learn that this is a sick person and you deserve and are demanding better. You demand a good life for your family and she cannot be part of it until she straightens up. Period. Then mean what you say. She made her choice when she treated you the way she did and now you are making yours. Reading back it seems that I am telling you to get even with her, but i am not. You have to take care of yourself and your family. If that is what it takes to protect yourself and your family, you have to do it. you will come to a place where you will understand. Please seek help from a professional and make the right choices. You are not defined by her and you have no reason to be embarrassed by her behaivior. You are your own man and you need to take a stand.

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